June in Review

I'm back?

June was among the most emotional months I’ve had in quite a while. I’m relieved it is July now so I can put June in the rearview mirror. There are two major reasons why I say that. The first is that I was diagnosed with bipolar depression. The second is that I had a little cancer scare.

For years, I have had terrible mood swings, impulsive behavior (usually related to spending money), and a host of the other hallmarks of bipolar depression. Also, I have had manic episodes throughout my life, but I never thought of them as such. I just thought of them as times when I was high on life or things were going well for me. I was in an incredibly good mood for most of the last year. I just assumed that I was happy. I was wrong, so completely wrong. At some point in May, I came crashing down into one of the darkest bouts of depression that I have had in many years. That is why I had to walk away from blogging for a bit. I wasn’t in the headspace where I could think clearly enough to put my thoughts on paper. It is also how I ended up falling slightly behind in school. The good news is that my psychiatrist put me on medication, which seems to be helping. Eventually, my sleep schedule will return to normal; however, after a year of erratic sleep, it will take a while for that to happen.

On June 6th, I went for a colonoscopy and endoscopy. One wasn’t enough for me, so I chose a twofer. They ended up finding a polyp in my stomach and one in my rectum. The latter ended up being cancerous. Unfortunately, I found out the information about the cancer a few days before I found out that they had gotten it all and that it is a very non-aggressive form. So, there were a few days when I was super anxious about what I would need to do to treat it. It turns out that all I will need to do is more frequent colonoscopies. Things could be much worse. I have a great sense of gratitude for the way things have turned out.

I can’t end this post without saying where I am spiritually. I am a Unitarian Universalist Universalist. I am sure most of you are thinking, why didn’t I do this sooner? It always looked good on paper for someone as spiritually fluid as me. It turns out it is perfect for me. The tradition will be the perfect place to ground my spiritual direction. In fact, for my thesis, I want to construct a UU theology of Spiritual Direction.

I hope to start blogging more consistently now. I will also do my best to catch up on all the writing I missed while I was away.